American married to man from North India need some advice please?

I am American(white) and I have been married to an Indian man age 31 from PUNJAB for 4 years.I am having a hard time understanding what he wants and needs from me.He is a very closed person.But he wasnt always closed he did give me the impression he was romantic and open before I married him but switched quickly.He has been abusive at times,and does not think its wrong to slap a wife if she gets out of line.He is not very romantic and his primary concerns are working and money.It seems thats all he cares about these days.He wants me to follow his religion and I did at fist but I choose not to.I dont think he is happy with me,there is no communication with my inlaws who live in India because they dont speak english.And the ones who do speak english,do not want to talk about my marriage with me,because they do not believe a wife should speak of her husband in any negative way.I dont feel like im valued and my husband never wants to have fun or take me out.Is this part of the culture?American married to man from North India need some advice please?
hi honey


i am really sorry to hear that. Ok here is my take on Indian men. I am Indian and i know. Most men here think they are a superior sex. For centuries women have been treated like sex objects and the reminisence of that is visible even today. They think they are always right...a good example of this is this moron who has answered your question. He's the only male to answer till now....and he's blaming it on you. Yes they are that pathetic.


Also another angle is the PUNJABI thing. Punjabi's ARE a li'll aggresive by nature and utterly selfish. Most Indian men have a liking for white women. Also are you sure his parents know you are married?? Trust me chances are they do not even know and are and probably trying to fix him up with an innocent Indian girl.


Their expectations from their women are very self centric. They need you to give them food and expect you to do all the housework. I can bet my last dime that he does not help you around with the household stuff. For them this is too 'unmanly'. They need you to do everything for them and in return expect you to be satisfied that they have given you a surname.


Most of them try to boss over their women. If you submit meekly, they will keep growing bigger and bigger. You need to stand up and look a stronger woman if you have any hope to succeed. Pls understand i am not asking you to fight with him the moment you see him...first try to talk to him nicely and discuss your problems. Depending on what kind of person he is...he might undersatnd and realise his mistakes.American married to man from North India need some advice please?
Dear friend, Its a normal syndrome of Indian male, he gets bored with one women very quickly and believes sex is the only thing he can get from a women.





Take a break from your marriage, make him feel you are important.





And most importantly do not take the abuse from him... he is just not worth it... its your life after-all.





No Indian culture abuses women - every Indian religion or community by large respects women the most.





Take care. live life full.
I think what you are going through is awful and unnecessary. It is possible that cultural differences are too strong and its difficult to compromise on certain things for both of you. If you have stuck to him for four long years, then there might be something to salvage in the relationship still. But still, if a heart-to-heart chat with this man fails, i think you should call it quits and start a new life. You deserve much better than this. Everyone does.
see in north india there are a few costoms you have to follow. like d not argue with your inlaws. well that is what only a few do these days if they are wrong. you may have to be in veil that is in head not covering your face.
HI! I read your question and also the answers posted til now. I am a punjabi male myself . I think people are right when they say Punjabis are a bit aggressive by nature but that does not mean that one getrs right to hit/abuse your spouse.


Your husband might be under pressure from his family for marrying a foreigner or he might be thinking that he has mde a hasty decision! Just a guess! I think you should get to speak to him where you should try to get him speak his heart out, it wold definitely help. Also, do try and meet his family in India.


If you are not able to resolve the issues despite your best efforts then I think it would be time to call it a day and move on.
Just make a visit to your In-laws with him. You will be surely see change in his behaviour %26amp; your solutions for your problem.





I think he is in depression
The question is not about his culture or religion. It is about YOUR choice, and YOUR decision which led you to this.





Did you know enough about this guy before you committed your entire life to him? Did you know about his culture before marrying him, or his family?





It seems that you do not know much about him, his culture and family until today, so i guess its not one sided or his fault.





Its just that you did not make a proper choice. You were too narrow in whatever you saw in your husband and married him.





Best of luck to you.
1. try talking nicely to him explaining the problems you are facing with him.


2. If that doesnt help, tell him sternly that if he continues abusing you, you will go to the police and have him jailed.


3. If both the above points do not work...ask him to **** OFF.
in india mostly husbands are dominant in the family. sorry to say this---i think your husband is one such person. you should have thought it before your marriage itself if he loves you(just you and not your youthfulness or nativity--you're an american right). some indians do fancy americans.


just do this--


*talk with him softly and let him speak out freely. it may take hours or even days.


*if you think he is still stubborn, i think you should split up with him.


any way i will pray for your welfare. GOD bless you!
Hi....





I am in your boat...





I am a white American married to a Pakistani. He is Muslim, but for the most part cultural values are the same as in India.... He is never really satisfied with what I do around the house or how I act. I have to hide things from him like my feelings and the few friends I have.





I don't reccommend you leaving him like some of the other comments above, but I believe you should make all effort to TRAVEL TO INDIA and get to know his family.... Family is the most important thing in their culture and if he resists that then in my opinion he is probably using you for documents.





I am lucky in that way because his family is awesome. I will be travelling there shortly. It is still hard to talk to them about all things... he also has slapped me and mentally abuses me often.





Generally, my husband is a good person but he does not respect me for the premarital sex that I had before marriage. It is always an issue and comes up even when arguing about general things that have nothing to do with that.





I am really trying to reach out to people like you because I know no one like myself.





Writing is my only outlet.





Please visit www.storywrite.com; Find User: Miss Anona





I live in Chicago near the Indian-Pakistani community. I would really like to talk to you just to relate to someone.
I am sorry to hear about whts been happening to you. I donot know how I can help but I will try and answer a few of your queries.





There is nothing in any Indian religion which suggests a behaviour as you are telling us. In Indian culture/ religions essentially, females are revered and respected.In fact, If I am right there are more goddesses who are worshipped than Gods in India. Culturally, there should not be any issue.





Punjabis genally by nature are considered fairly aggressive and showoff people but I have a few good friends who are as gentle as any human being can be.





I do understand your situation as I have seen a friend of mine go through the same. It is more a case of inferiority complex than any thing else. Your hubby probably is caught in the web of his internal conficts. I also think tht this guy might be under pressure from his family also on marrying out of his clan ETC. ETC.





My sincerest advise to you is to have a heart to heart talk with him and try to figure him out by whatever decent means you can.If it is not working out, may be you should consdier walking out on him.... but mind it... this has to be done after careful consideration





Cheers